Trading Mrs. John Smith for "tommysmommy"

Seeing women use usernames of “so-and-so’s_mommy” online has always driven me crazy. Didn’t those women have a name and their own identities before kids? Why do they need to advertise that their ovaries work? Of course, I also don’t see a reason to adopt your husband’s name just because you got married either, but just taking a last name seems more feminist than losing your identity completely to your kid. BTW, what do these women do when the second kid is born? Katie Rophe skewers these same women, who put pictures of their kids instead of their own in their facebook profile.

“Facebook, of course, traffics in exhibitionism: it is a way of presenting your life, at least those sides of it you cherry pick for the outside world, for show. One’s children are of course an important achievement, and arguably one’s most important achievement, but that doesn’t mean that they are who you are. “

By the way, I believe that when you send the Christmas photo card, you should be in it too. I am/was friends with *you*, not your kids.

8 thoughts on “Trading Mrs. John Smith for "tommysmommy"

  1. my primary identity is that of mom, before and above anything else.
    sorry if that drives you crazy but i love being called —‘smom

  2. Your identity is who you are, not what you do. It doesn’t drive me crazy, I feel sorry for people who have no identity other than what they do. It’s worse than someone who identifies themselves by their occupation — at least an occupation is 100% your life, not your involvement in someone else’s life. I think moms who do this pretend that they’re martyrs giving up their lives for their children. They tend to also proudly announce that they’re subservient to their superior husbands. If my daughter grows up thinking this lowly about herself I will consider myself a failed parent.

  3. Okay you have a pic of a beer bottle instead of your face on facebook.
    Why do you think people want to look at your favorite beer any more than
    you want to look at pics of their kids?
    So beer encapsulates your identity the way being a mommy might for some.

  4. Perhaps you should develop some other interests besides your kids and stalking my husband on the internet.

    Besides, I posted the original comment, not Troy.

  5. Beer is more attractive than I am, so yes, I think people would rather look at a photo of beer than a photo of me.

    But beer is not my *identity*, your identity is your motherhood. I bet before that your identity was someone’s wife, before that it was being someone’s girlfriend, before that being someone’s daughter, etc. You need *your own identity*, not one that is defined solely by someone else. Kids mimic their parents, so you’re teaching your kids to be one-dimensional and dependent on someone else for everything about themselves. I think that’s going to turn out badly for your kid’s self-esteem, but if that’s what you think is good for you kid, more power to you. But given that you’re so defensive about it, I suspect this has hit a nerve with you because you know there’s some truth to it.

  6. Uh ok, I am sure my kids will be failures and yours will grow up to be rocket scientists since they have such perfect parents. The only thing bigger than your bank balance right now is your ego. Just be be sure though, to teach them your kids the value of honesty and integrity and not to dupe people with promises of money to build an empire, and then then bail out and break your promise once you make out like bandits. At least my kids will grow up with those good oldfashioned values of honoring promises and decency and integrity rather than aggression and greed.

  7. I hope you don’t teach your kids to fall in love with strangers who built a web site that they stalk them for a decade because they don’t return that love and admiration that they so desperately crave from other people. I hope you don’t teach them to be jealous of other people who set out to achieve their goals and accomplish them. And I hope you don’t teach your kids to be such dishonest cowards that they don’t have the decency to keep from insulting people anonymously.

    And we did make good on our promise to return profits to the community. We offered to split $20,000 among 15,000 people (each person would average $1.33 or so each) or we could give $20,000 to charity. The community overwhelmingly voted to send the money to charity. We did that every year we owned the company since then. Most people would say that’s a generous thing to do and most people were very happy to be a part of it. There were some greedy holdouts that really wanted their $1.33 and didn’t want it to go to charity. Obviously you were one of them. Is greed one of those traits you’re teaching your kids?

    I didn’t say your kids will be failures (you did, though), I said that they’ll have low self-esteem if they follow your lead. And it’s hard for you to argue that you have high self-esteem — you enjoy attacking others anonymously because you 1) want to bring others down to your level because you don’t believe you can elevate yourself and 2) you are ashamed of yourself so you hide your identity. If they don’t get self-esteem from you, where will they get it?

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