We just saw the Coen Brothers’ latest (and hopefully last) movie No Country For Old Men (no link because I don’t want to be responsible for anyone accidentally adding it to their Netflix queue). This movie somehow won the Academy Award for Best Picture. Were the other nominated movies the only other movies made last year?!

This movie was far far too long, totally predictable and just gore for gore’s sake. And completely pointless. Five minutes into the movie and we witness two gruesome murders. 10 minutes in and we’ve seen the carnage of over a dozen people. The rest of the movie is a cliched hunt for a guy who stole someone’s money from a drug deal gone bad (seriously, it’s that cliched!) and, shocker, lots more violence before it ends with a nonsensical recanting of a dream by Tommy Lee Jones.

The Coen Brothers made the perfect Fargo in 1996, but haven’t made a decent movie before or since. What happened to them in 1996? The only reason the Coen Brothers should continue to make movies is so that they can act out their psychotic fantasies in make-believe so they don’t do it in real life. The Friday the 13th series was more interesting than their drivel.

This movie is mostly just a re-hash of Fargo with less interesting characters, less humor and, again, more blood. Instead of the wood-chipper of Fargo, this movie gives us a cattle gun. Instead of the North Dakota/Minnesota accents, we get Texas accents. Fargo gave us long pans of desolate snow, this movie gives us long pans of desolate desert. Instead of Frances McDormand and her dopey sidekick policeman, we get Tommy Lee Jones and his dopey sidekick. If you haven’t seen this movie, skip it and watch Fargo instead and thank me for rescuing two hours of your life.

I love the reviews on Netflix, the movie wonks who fall over themselves to show how intelligent they are:

bq. “It is not about a specific story set in a specific place and time, but about the darkness in man, the descent of society, and how we are helpless to prevent our own downfall…its insight into humanity will ensure its place in the annals of film history”

bq. “The rug is purposely yanked out from under the audience as a demonstration that our actions and beliefs are ultimately futile. Nature has its own plans for each of us, blindsiding us whenever we need a reminder. In the long run, our ability to affect the world around us diminishes, yet nature (and human nature) will continue as it always has.”

bq. “This film is about collateral damage and that unspoken and uncomfortable feeling that is a fearful echo of the physical terror that characterizes this production.”

And then sane people wrote accurate reviews:

bq. “This is another reason to ignore the “Academy Awards” for rewarding this piece of ultra-violent crap.”

bq. “Slow, predictable, and a lousey ending, most of the plot was predictable, they just showed it with a little more gore. cant see why it won an oscar.”